The One That Got Away

"In another life, i will make you stay..
so i don't have to say
you were the one that got away.."

This song keeps playing in my head..every second.every minute and every breath i took. Why was it hard to get over? He was gone, for his happier life perhaps. He'd wounded me deeply, devastated me and still i just couldn't stop loving him. And it was driving me crazy!

One morning, in a park, i found myself walking aimlessly alone. i stopped at a beautiful lake and saw my face in the clear water. I saw my old self. I was a very cheerful girl and be loved by others. I made people happy  with my jokes and laugh. Every time my sisters or my friends lost their way, I am the one who tried my best to show them a way. I encouraged them a lot and said to them that, God arranges everything for our good sake. Then, I will sing to them Maher Zain's song,

"Every time you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost
That your so alone
All you is see is night
And darkness all around
You feel so helpless
You can’t see which way to go
Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side"

Yes, Allah is by my side. I always said that to them but now why i forgot this? Tears fall down on my cheek. Oh, Allah, I am weak. I always forget you. I forgot that it is a test from you to remind me that the true love only from you.. i saw my own reflection in the lake as i was crying.. Brighter and prettier. I realized one thing today, "the one that got away" is the one who should regret himself. He is the one who lost a faithful girl in his life. I am not losing anything.. I am going to be more stronger than before because i found my new love that always love me before, now and forever.My God. Allah.. Oh Allah, please forgive me for being such an ignorance and forgot that you are always by my side before. Starting on that day, i set in my mind that i am not going to fall in love easily because i have a precious heart to be given to anyone.

I started my new life with new hope and new inspirations. I am back with the real me. People noticed my changes and they are really happy with my improvements. I tried my best to be a better person. I want to be a great English teacher but also a great Muslimah. Thanks to "the one that got away", i found my way now. I participate a lot in "Usrah" and learn how to endure any pain in life. I still remember a saying from my usrah's member, "Allah arranges us to meet with the wrong people in purpose so that we realized that He is the most loving and caring in reminding us that the people is not the best choice for our future."

Everything happened for a reason. I got a call from my mom in one fine day. She said she has a good news to me and she requested for me to come back home. I could smell something from my mom's voice. I think I do not prepare myself enough to face this. But my mom said," You do not have to prepare anything, you just have to come back and make your decision. I am not forcing you but i am giving you a choice. It's up to you now. Do" istikharah" and ask for His help." Mom's saying keeps playing in my head. Oh, Allah, please guide me and show me the right way..

"Aku terima nikahnya..........", Alhamdulillah, thanks Allah for giving me this happiness. I could not hide my tears in front of my husband now. I have so many things to ask but all i can do now is cry.. He sits in front of me, hold my hand and say, " My dear lovely wife, I am sorry for leaving you before but trust me, it was for our happiness now. I chose not to be with you and wipe your tears before because i hope you will be my wife someday, not a girlfriend. I want you to be someone "halal" for me forever and ever."

Oh Allah, i know you arrange everything for my life. Thanks Allah..

"Love is not something that weakening and hurting us, but it is something that makes us stronger and heal us from any pain."